Why “Tough Love” Doesn’t Work Like You Think It Does
You’ve heard the stories.
The hard-ass coach who chews players out, demands more, and somehow earns their respect in the end.
And sure, some people do rise under that kind of pressure.
But most shrink.
As a former college soccer player and coach, I’ve experienced plenty of different leadership styles. And here’s what I’ve seen, both on the field and in the workplace:
People don’t grow when they’re afraid to fail.
They grow when they know it’s safe to stretch, try something new, and get it wrong on the path to getting it right.
When you lead with harshness, even if your intentions are good, here’s what happens:
People get quiet
They play it safe
They stop experimenting or speaking up
And performance plateaus (or drops)
Next time someone on your team messes up, remember this:
Nobody shows up wanting to suck.
But if they’re afraid of getting it wrong, they’ll avoid trying at all.
Try this instead:
Be direct about what was missed
Offer support for how they can get better
Create an environment where it’s safe to try something new
That’s not being “soft.”
That’s being smart.
The goal isn’t just compliance, it’s exceptional performance.
And that only happens when people feel safe enough to stretch.
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[00:00:00] We've all heard these stories about coaches who were hard asses
and how the players on their teams loved the challenge and really grew to rise above it. But let's talk about why that's a little bit problematic,
especially in the sports world. You hear stories like this a lot, and there are likely going to be people who thrive in that type of environment, but the majority of people crumble a little bit under that environment.
People thrive even more in an environment where they're given an opportunity to succeed in a safe place.
As a former college soccer player and coach I have definitely experienced my share of different coaching styles,
and here's something I've seen that holds true in both the sports world and the work world.
When you chew somebody out or you get upset with them for a mistake that was made or for doing something the wrong way, they're less likely to try new things to get better at that because fear of retribution for doing it wrong again. A better way to handle it is to point out the error
And Offer support to get better. At the end of the day, as a coach or as a leader, what we really want is for people to perform exceptionally.
They're [00:01:00] going to have a hard time doing that. If they're afraid to try new things or try something different because they're afraid you might get upset with them.
Next time someone on your team screws up, remember this,
Nobody comes to work or shows up to practice, wanting to suck.
The best thing you can do for your team is be direct about what was missed, offer support for how they can get better and create an environment where it's safe to try something new.
Wishing you a week of high performance.